Through hell in Moominvalley

Place: Should have been Örebro or Karlskrona, but was not bothered to write and I am in Katowice now.

Tunes: Muse, CMX and the sound of my blood boiling.

More driving through Sweden. Dry roads mostly so we could keep a good pace. The pace through the smaller roads was dictated by how far you can tilt the bike before sparks fly off the footpegs and after the extensive off-road experience of the previous two days, we did not even bother to slow down for the gravel bits. From 70 to 100 kph in one day, pretty good.

The scenery was full of trees. We did not see the forests as the trees were on the way. The further south you go, the more green you see instead of yellow. This is good.

We retired in Örebro for some sleep. In the evening some discussions were had about tyres and some other mechanical problems in our "unstoppable" BMW's. We will have to split up (in a planned way this time) and meet up at the ferry in the south.

Scenery in central Sweden.

More scenery.

Moomin hieroglyphs.

Yet more scenery.

Almost finished.

In the next morning, Pekka and I started a tour of the BMW bike repair shops of central Sweden. My issue was a worn out rear tire. I needed to find a new one and ideally have it changed immediately. We went to Carl Barks motor not far from Östersund. They could not give us the answers we needed, but we were passed on to other BMW dealers, where I managed to get a new rear tire while waiting very impatiently. 

I also met Gunnar, who was very helpful in getting an off-road tire for my rear wheel. Now I have a full set of off-road tires and a new Anakee 2 rear tire waiting in Egypt. It can be a spare, but I may have to haul it around all the way through Africa. Many thanks to Gunnar for the Continental and for BMW Carlbarks Motor and Bikestop. 

Ari and Markus headed to the Touratech importer somewhere very far away to get some navigation system issues fixed and a new mount (?) for one system. There they became instant celebrities as Markus's bike happens to be an old Touratech show bike with just about everything in their catalogue bolted on. 

It great when things just fall into place and everything works with the tires and everything. It was too good to last.

Take a 80 year old man. Give him poor eyesight, a car that is 50 years old and with tires 25 years old. Then imagine him driving in a storm, in the middle of the night. What kind of speed limits would that man set for himself? Then take those limits and subtract 10 kph. These are the speed limits in Sweden. That is because this country has been run by social democrats for such a long time. It's just the kind of thing that social democrats do.

These speed limits are also rigorously enforced by speed cameras and by moving obstacles. There are two kinds. One has a badge that says "SAAB" and the other "VOLVO".

A unique aspect of the Swedish driver is that he/she actually drives like they are in an examination of some sort. For example, you break before the speed limit sign as if the limit goes down and you only accelerate after the sign, as the limit goes up. Seriously, what the hell? Nobody drives like that after they get their driving licence. Anywhere. Ever. In Sweden, everybody drives like that all of the time and it did not help my blood pressure.

So, after my tire-circus was finished, I was in a bit of a hurry to get to Karlskrona for the ferry. Driving through Moominvalley (southern Sweden) for about four hours was a nightmare. I wanted to drive in to lorries just to make it stop.

Why do I call it Moominvalley? Because it looks like it. Everything looks perfect and you drive through some very picturesque countryside. It really is the perfect place to live if you want everything to be always nice and neat, predictable and constant. It will also be uneventful, bland, boring and lifeless. I felt like Stinky* storming through this place completely disregarding any lollipop shaped signs on the side of the road. 

*http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Characters_in_the_Moomin_series

No doubt the perfect society was disturbed by this reckless behavior, but it's not like they are going to send me a speeding ticket. I have Belgian plates and even if they would send something to the Belgian police and ask them to find me, the paperwork and bureaucracy would take so long that I would have moved house five times and died of old age before said fine would reach me.
 
This country is one of the best places in the world where you can live, full of helpful and friendly people who all speak English, but sadly something here is just not quite right.  

You can't piss when standing up in Moominvalley.

For and explanation why, see:

http://theoatmeal.com/comics/peeing_sitting_down